The rather pathetic though still tragic tale of Cousin Fred

(Yes, Bridget, your worst dreams are coming true. I have decided to tell everything!)

Since whenever Bridget and I are around each other (online), vague, threatening allusions to Cousin Fred pop up, this blog will probably be no exception. So therefore, as deeply as it grieves me to have to impart this distressing information to you, my poor, coffee-deprived readers, it is absolutely essential. After reading this, you will no longer be horribly confused and distressed by your lack of knowledge when I mysteriously threaten Bridget with mentions of Cousin Fred!

Bridget killed her Cousin Fred. It is profoundly saddening to me to have to tell you this, my dear readers, but the fact remains that Cousin Fred is dead, and it’s all Bridget’s fault. (I’m going to have to do a post about that soon, too.)

Now, this is the sad story of Cousin Fred in full, starting at the end, and then going back to the beginning. (It makes the most sense that way, you see.)

The End: Bridget killed her cousin Fred. (And yes, I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s important for you to realize that that grievous information is the end of the story, not the start. And now that you know what the end is, we can move on to the start.)

The Start: It all happened one day on boredonline.net, the website I first met my evil twin on. Bridget and I were on at the same time, and we were bored. With nothing else to do, we were pm’ing each other, and in one of those pm’s, one of us—I think it was me—said something like “Hey, let’s switch accounts and confuse everyone.” So, a few days later, we gave each other our passwords, and went on each other’s accounts. The plan was this—to make random, weird posts to utterly confuse other people and ruin each other’s reputation. (For instance, I posted as Bridget saying I loved all music by Miley Cyrus.) We even switched avatars and signatures to further confuse people. (Though I don’t think anyone even noticed, really. Sad.)

So anyway, I posted on one thread as Bridget, saying “I think people are beginning to suspect I killed my cousin Fred.” (It later was deleted by a moderator who had no sense of humor.)

And that is how the story of Cousin Fred (and his murder) came into being.

Now, Aunt Maggie is an entirely different story. Perhaps I shall talk a bit about her later…. *evil laughter*

And, to end this post on a cheerful note: Don’t say more, say Mordor!