(Well, my meter is better, anyway ;) Hint--pronounce "Edgar" with the emphasis on the second syllable instead of the first (it'll sound much better) and pronounce "lol" as if it was a word, not seperate letters (like "lull))
A Poem on the Random, Profound Subject of Random Profound Thoughts
Random Profound Thoughts
Dance upon my nose
But what if it blows?
Away they'll go
I'd better not blow my nose!
Random Profound Thoughts
Curl around my toes
But what'll happen, who knows
If I wriggle my toes?
I'd better not wriggle my toes!
Random Profound Thoughts
Are eating Spagetti Os
So I picked up a hose
And turned it on low
And won back my Spagetti Os!
Random Profound Thoughts
Are pondering arrows and bows
They lined up in rows
I said to them "Woe!"
And threw at them Edgar Allen Poe!
Random Profound Thoughts
Hunt me with balls of snow
They won't cease and go
They only shriek "No!"
Why didn't I blow my nose?
Or wriggle my toes?
Oh, upon me is woe!
And don't you dare say "Lol!"
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Tarantulas and Tapeworms and Obama, oh my!
Barack however-you-spell-his-middle-name Obama is an iguana. And he’s the Antichrist.
My dearly beloved readers, we have an iguana for an Antichrist.
Now, some of you may ask (and perhaps disappear mysteriously soon after asking) how I know that Obama is an iguana. The answer is simple. I have deduced it. From what, you may ask (if you live long enough to ask a second question). And, if you manage to blurt out a third question as you are being dragged away, I imagine it would be “How can you prove it?”
Logic, my dear readers, is to be shunned. Logic is cold, hard, icy, and impenetrable; an unreasoning leap of the mind to a conclusion that may or may not be the correct conclusion. For instance, say I were to pick up a bar of chocolate as I wander beneath a grim forest where the sun barely shone, and say to myself, “This is chocolate.” How would I know it was chocolate? Because my eyes told me so, and I believe my eyes. Because my heart told me that what I held in my hands was chocolate. But say I instead sat down, stared at the bar of chocolate very hard, and proceeded to reason logically to myself whether or not what I was holding was, in fact, chocolate, until sheer fatigue overtook me, and I fell into a deep, dark sleep, waking to find myself holding a fistful of sand. Logic would tell me that it had not been chocolate all along, whereas if I had just believed the evidence my eyes and heart showed me and disregarded the doubts of my brain, I would have happily consumed a delicious bar of mouthwatering chocolate!
Logic is, in fact, much as it pains me to say this, for fools. Smart people are simply not logical! Logic is unfashionable, unpopular, obsolete, ostracized, detested, out-of-date, old-fashioned, behind the times, archaic, superseded, outmoded, passé, hated, out of favor, old, antiquated, ancient, defunct, reviled, loathed, abhorred, insufferable, despicable, disgraced, disfavored, aged, antediluvian, olden, prehistoric, redundant, primeval, useless, intolerable, primordial, unendurable, unspeakable, bygone, insupportable, unbearable, appalling, dreadful, contemptible, wicked, shameful, dishonorable, vile, loathsome, superfluous, disused, unneeded, revolting, unnecessary, un-called for, primitive, ineffective, primal, of no use, excruciating, a waste of time, futile, ineffectual, inadequate, worthless, agonizing, disgusting, terrible, long-gone, in the past, ignominious, depraved, base, low, ignoble, detestable, and simply not accepted!
I hope I have convinced you of the truth of this, my dear readers. I have tried my best. However, you are probably wondering what all that had to do with Obama, and I will answer.
Because I trust in my eyes and my heart to tell me the truth, I do not need logic. Logic tells me (or tries to) that Obama is not an iguana. However, it is quite fortunate that I do not rely on logic to tell me what is, and what is not. I value the evidence of my eyes and my heart far above logic, and they both tell me unhesitatingly that Obama is an iguana. My eyes tell me that he looks like an iguana. My heart tells me that he talks like, acts like, and, in short, is an iguana.
Obama is an iguana. I am sure you agree with me, my dear readers (or what is left of you, anyway), for how could you not? Have I not laid out in a clear, precise manner the proof of his being an iguana, and showed you why the evidence against it is unfashionable, unpopular, obsolete, ostracized, detested, out-of-date, old-fashioned, behind the times, archaic, superseded, outmoded, passé, hated, out of favor, old, antiquated, ancient, defunct, reviled, loathed, abhorred, insufferable, despicable, disgraced, disfavored, aged, antediluvian, olden, prehistoric, redundant, primeval, useless, intolerable, primordial, unendurable, unspeakable, bygone, insupportable, unbearable, appalling, dreadful, contemptible, wicked, shameful, dishonorable, vile, loathsome, superfluous, disused, unneeded, revolting, unnecessary, un-called for, primitive, ineffective, primal, of no use, excruciating, a waste of time, futile, ineffectual, inadequate, worthless, agonizing, disgusting, terrible, long-gone, in the past, ignominious, depraved, base, low, ignoble, detestable, and simply not accepted?
Therefore, Obama is an iguana. (From now on, I will refer to him as “the Iguana” or “Obama the Iguana”) Let us move on to my second statement.
Obama the Iguana is the Antichrist.
How can I prove this, you ask? My dear readers, I thought I had already explained very thoroughly that proof is unnecessary! *sighs and shakes head mournfully*
However, if you insist, I shall do my best to please you. The Iguana is the Antichrist, and the numbers back me up. When I took the Iguana’s full name, after a lengthy and difficult process, it came out to 666.666666. And, my reader, if that is not proof, then what is?
We must prepare ourselves with great fortitude for the time of woe and tribulation that is to come. And, my dear reade—oh, dear, there goes the last one—the best way to prepare your heart is by this: Don’t say more, say Mordor!
My dearly beloved readers, we have an iguana for an Antichrist.
Now, some of you may ask (and perhaps disappear mysteriously soon after asking) how I know that Obama is an iguana. The answer is simple. I have deduced it. From what, you may ask (if you live long enough to ask a second question). And, if you manage to blurt out a third question as you are being dragged away, I imagine it would be “How can you prove it?”
Logic, my dear readers, is to be shunned. Logic is cold, hard, icy, and impenetrable; an unreasoning leap of the mind to a conclusion that may or may not be the correct conclusion. For instance, say I were to pick up a bar of chocolate as I wander beneath a grim forest where the sun barely shone, and say to myself, “This is chocolate.” How would I know it was chocolate? Because my eyes told me so, and I believe my eyes. Because my heart told me that what I held in my hands was chocolate. But say I instead sat down, stared at the bar of chocolate very hard, and proceeded to reason logically to myself whether or not what I was holding was, in fact, chocolate, until sheer fatigue overtook me, and I fell into a deep, dark sleep, waking to find myself holding a fistful of sand. Logic would tell me that it had not been chocolate all along, whereas if I had just believed the evidence my eyes and heart showed me and disregarded the doubts of my brain, I would have happily consumed a delicious bar of mouthwatering chocolate!
Logic is, in fact, much as it pains me to say this, for fools. Smart people are simply not logical! Logic is unfashionable, unpopular, obsolete, ostracized, detested, out-of-date, old-fashioned, behind the times, archaic, superseded, outmoded, passé, hated, out of favor, old, antiquated, ancient, defunct, reviled, loathed, abhorred, insufferable, despicable, disgraced, disfavored, aged, antediluvian, olden, prehistoric, redundant, primeval, useless, intolerable, primordial, unendurable, unspeakable, bygone, insupportable, unbearable, appalling, dreadful, contemptible, wicked, shameful, dishonorable, vile, loathsome, superfluous, disused, unneeded, revolting, unnecessary, un-called for, primitive, ineffective, primal, of no use, excruciating, a waste of time, futile, ineffectual, inadequate, worthless, agonizing, disgusting, terrible, long-gone, in the past, ignominious, depraved, base, low, ignoble, detestable, and simply not accepted!
I hope I have convinced you of the truth of this, my dear readers. I have tried my best. However, you are probably wondering what all that had to do with Obama, and I will answer.
Because I trust in my eyes and my heart to tell me the truth, I do not need logic. Logic tells me (or tries to) that Obama is not an iguana. However, it is quite fortunate that I do not rely on logic to tell me what is, and what is not. I value the evidence of my eyes and my heart far above logic, and they both tell me unhesitatingly that Obama is an iguana. My eyes tell me that he looks like an iguana. My heart tells me that he talks like, acts like, and, in short, is an iguana.
Obama is an iguana. I am sure you agree with me, my dear readers (or what is left of you, anyway), for how could you not? Have I not laid out in a clear, precise manner the proof of his being an iguana, and showed you why the evidence against it is unfashionable, unpopular, obsolete, ostracized, detested, out-of-date, old-fashioned, behind the times, archaic, superseded, outmoded, passé, hated, out of favor, old, antiquated, ancient, defunct, reviled, loathed, abhorred, insufferable, despicable, disgraced, disfavored, aged, antediluvian, olden, prehistoric, redundant, primeval, useless, intolerable, primordial, unendurable, unspeakable, bygone, insupportable, unbearable, appalling, dreadful, contemptible, wicked, shameful, dishonorable, vile, loathsome, superfluous, disused, unneeded, revolting, unnecessary, un-called for, primitive, ineffective, primal, of no use, excruciating, a waste of time, futile, ineffectual, inadequate, worthless, agonizing, disgusting, terrible, long-gone, in the past, ignominious, depraved, base, low, ignoble, detestable, and simply not accepted?
Therefore, Obama is an iguana. (From now on, I will refer to him as “the Iguana” or “Obama the Iguana”) Let us move on to my second statement.
Obama the Iguana is the Antichrist.
How can I prove this, you ask? My dear readers, I thought I had already explained very thoroughly that proof is unnecessary! *sighs and shakes head mournfully*
However, if you insist, I shall do my best to please you. The Iguana is the Antichrist, and the numbers back me up. When I took the Iguana’s full name, after a lengthy and difficult process, it came out to 666.666666. And, my reader, if that is not proof, then what is?
We must prepare ourselves with great fortitude for the time of woe and tribulation that is to come. And, my dear reade—oh, dear, there goes the last one—the best way to prepare your heart is by this: Don’t say more, say Mordor!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Our new president....
...is the antichrist. Evidence coming up tomorrow (or perhaps later today, if you're lucky).
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Novena for the election
I copied this from Lady Rose's blog. Please pray it on November 4th! I intend to.
"This is a novena to the Infant of Prague, a novena for an urgent need. Our country is in a very urgent need. It is permissible that: In cases of great urgency, a novena of hours may be made instead of days. The prayers should, if possible, be repeated at the same time every hour for nine consecutive hours. I strongly encourage each and every one of you and your families, to pray this novena on election day, November 4th. Every single prayer counts and is needed!
I can attest to the power of this novena, it once saved my family from
bankruptcy. PLEASE pass this novena along and urge everyone you know to pray it on November 4th as well! Our prayers DO count, and we must storm heaven with them! Suggested intention:That this election day, our country may elect a holy, wise, pro-life, pro-family president and other political leaders.Powerful Novena in Urgent Need to the Infant of Prague
O Jesus, who said, "Ask and you shall
receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you," through
the intercession of Mary, Your most holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my
prayer be granted.
(Mention your request)
O Jesus, who said "All that you
ask of the Father in My Name He will grant you," through the intercession of
Mary, Your most holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Your Father in Your Name
that my prayer be granted.
(Mention your request)
O Jesus, who said
"Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My word shall not pass," through the
intercession of Mary, Your most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer
will be granted.
(Mention your request)Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)