Various random and profound lists

Well, my dear readers, do you want to know my hit list?

I suppose I shall take your hushed gasp as an enthusiastic “Yes!!!”

Well, here it is! :

In order—already attempted (whether failed or succeeded):

1. Bridget _/ (yes, that's a checkmark...)
2. Grace X (waaah! :'()
3. Ella X (WAAAAH! *sniffles*)
4. Vicki _/ ( :-D :-D :-D)
   

Well, as you can see, so far, I’m two out of four, which isn’t very good. *sighs sadly* Ah well. Eels are hard to catch, you know. They’re slippery. (Ella my eel, you’re slippery, did you know that? =P) And fuzzy wuzzy cuzzys are harder, too… like one of those cuddly panda beards, that’s what Grace reminds me of…not, not a panda bear… a koala bear! Yup! Gracey-wacey, you have a new nickname! Someone tell Gracey she has a new nickname, please… Thank you. And I THINK Grace came before Ella, but I’m not quite sure…

And now for the people who are next on my hit list!

(Insert drumroll)

1. Rose (Yup, Auntie Rose, you’re next! *evil laugh*)
2. Delaney
3. Rachel

Aaaaand—that’s all for now!

Hmm… can’t think of anything to type… how about my list of Greatest Fears in this life?
All right, then, if you insist. But it’s not for the faint-hearted!

List of Greatest Fears

1. #1. Snakes. And this includes the devil.
   #2. Spiders. All other creepy crawly sorts of things are also included in this category.
   #3. Tactful people. Just think about it for too long, and you’ll be scared, too.
   #4. Jehovah’s Witnesses. And we have them moving in down the STREET from us!!!!!! *faints in horror* It’s a good thing I have a lock on my door…but actually, you know, I think I’ll take up residence in the basement! It’s a bit safer there…
   #5. Math. Because it doesn’t make sense. Plus… it involves *horrified gasp* numbers! And it’s really just another form of child abuse, you know. What, have you ever seen an adult of sound mind and health actually doing math? Well, it was really the secret math police just pretending to be a regular, sane adult! Yes, that’s right, math police. And yes, they’ve fooled everyone for centuries. It’s not like math existed before they came along! What? Oh, of course they told you math was really invented by the ancient something-or-others! It’s all just a bunch of propaganda, you know. What, you don’t like being lied to and fed propaganda? Oh, but you’ll do it too, once you’re an adult. You won’t have a choice, you know. It’s a conspiracy all adults are a part of, even those who aren’t a part of the math police! And yes, I think I need to do a separate post about his… more coming up soon!
   #6. Being hugged by people I don’t like. And what, you might ask, is my response to this annoying problem?A. PUNCH! B. Run screaming and hope you’re faster.(Don’t worry, this probably isn’t you…if you’re reading this, you have to be someone I like. Unless you’re my brother, of course…)
   #7. Kisses. Because they’re slimy and gross, and who needs them, really? Yes, I know you are now secretly wondering if I’m really just a 10 year old pretending to be a 16 year old, but…..give me a decent, self-respecting hug over a yucky kiss any day!
   #8. Tall people. And why on earth is this so far down the list?! They deserve to be way, er, *cough* no pun intended, higher!

Well, since I can't think of anything else to add to this wonderful list, would you, my dear, privileged readers, like to see a list of the nicknames I have given people?

Here they are (somewhat in order, I hope):
Bridget = Twinny; twiplet; Briddy; Briddy-bird
Grace = Gracey-wacey; fuzzy-wuzzy-cuzzy; (and, just now) my koala bear
Ella = My eel; the precious; fuzzy-wuzzy-cuzzy
MJ = Liver; chopped liver
Rachel = Sting ray; stingy-wingy
Vicki = Jellyfish (but she didn't like it, even after I explained that it was a compliment); Vicki-wicki; (which led naturally to) my candle; Vickia; Vicksters
Lizzy = My blow-torch
Delaney = Deyla (after seeing Ella call her Dayla, so it wasn't really my own invention =P)
Zirka = Zorg; Empress Zorg, queen of the borgs

Aaaand... that's all for now. Woah, that's ALL? Time to give some unfortunate people nicknames....and why on earth don't you have a nickname yet, Rose? *horrified gasp* I must remedy this terrible error..... soooooon. ;)

So, now that that’s all over, do you want to hear the latest, earth-shattering, heart-breaking news?

It’s true. Scientists have finally proven that computers are really enchanted humans. Now, the problem that many are pondering, will mankind seek a way to free these helpless fellow-humans, or will we continue to use them for our own ends, ignoring their right to be free? Or will we simply remain in denial, pretending to ourselves that they really are just machines?
In case you, my dear readers, are in agreement with that multitude of sadly deluded nut-cases, let me prove it to you that computers really are (or were, once) human.

Proof #1. They get sick, just like we do. Yup, computers get viruses, bugs, and the flu, exactly like us!

Proof #2. They lose their temper just like we do! What, your computer hasn’t ever thrown a temper tantrum and crashed on you? Perhaps our computer is the only old, cranky one out there, then.

Proof #3. They have pets, too! And have you ever met any race besides mankind that kept pets? Animals don’t keep pets. They just eat ‘em. So that, you see, is conclusive evidence that computers are either humans, or an evolved form of human! (Scientists who favor the evolution theory are highly in favor of this second opinion. They hold that one day, all humans will be computers, and call the first theory the unfortunate remnants of superstition and the effects of telling fairy tales to children (they’re also in favor of burning all books containing fairy tales worldwide, you know).

Mordor on this later! In the meantime, follow my example, and don’t say more, say Mordor! In fact—don’t say “Mordor! Mordor!”, instead, demand “Mordor blosts! Mordor blosts!